RandomlyCullen
by bella and alice
Summary: I really hope you like it! please read and review! I have just started writing fan fiction, and i am getting help from my cousin shelby. I am taking suggestions and any Ideas you would like me to write about!
1. Emmett deppresion

One day Emmett was watching a Christmas special.

_Wow! This is so totally awesome! _Emmett thought, just as Santa Claus was about to dance with snow.

This is my favorite part!" cried Emmett.

Alice sped down the stairs but stopped dead in her tracks once she saw Emmett.

"Ummm... Emmett?" Alice asked in confusion.

"Ssssshhhhhh Alice! Santa and snow are dancing!." Emmett said in irritation.

"I swear Emmett, your obsessed." she sighed, while reading the movie box. "Umm... Emmett this movie is suggested for 6 year olds and younger". Realization struck Alice. "Oh... that explains it"

Strangly confused and just a little disturbed, Alice sat next to him on the couch and watched the rest of the movie with him.

**An hour later**

After Emmett watched that movie, he moved on to "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer."

When it got to the part where grandma came up missing, Emmett started to cry.

Rosalie then came down the stairs and saw her husband crying his eyes out. She was very confused.

"Umm... Emmett, honey?" she questioned.

"Yes Rosalie darling?" he replied, still crying.

"Why the heck are you crying?!"

"Because they can't find Grandma!!" Emmett wailed.

"There... there." Rosalie comforted, sitting herself on the other side of Emmett. "Emmett, you know its just a movie right?" her honey voice filled the air.

"Just a movie? JUST A MOVIE!? IT IS NOT JUST A MOVIE!! ITS LIFE!" Emmett screamed with passion.

Rosalie and Alice scooted away from him subtly.


	2. Emmett and the sexy beast

When Emmett got over his depression of grandma...

A quike flash across the screen that said Santa Is Sick. As Emmett took the news in, the other cullens pondered this amazing news that would help take over cuba.

When the news finally sank in... "NO!!" Emmett cried with horror. "SANTA CAN'T BE DEAD!! I EVEN ASKED HIM FOR A PONY NAMED LEONARDO DECAPRIO!!" He sobbed.

Alice then verified "Um...Emmett...leo kinda died...you know...on the titanic..."

"NO!! MY SO SEXY ROLE MODEL HAS PASSED!" Emmett then sobbed even harder than before.

As Emmett screamed other random things like..."OH LEO YOU SEXY BEAST!" or "MY UNDERWEAR SAYS LEO YOU SEXY BEAST". Bella and Edward came in wondering what all the venom curdling screams were about.

"SANTA IS SICK THIS YEAR!!" Emmett cried as he fell into Edwards arms.

"Oh no?" Bella questioned the horror of the scene." (How rude of her to question in Emmetts deppresion)

"Yes Bella, 'Oh no' is correct. Jasper came in out of no where to confirm the tragedy.

Jasper then fell into Edward and Emmetts deep brotherly love hug. "WHY OH WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SICK THIS YEAR!! I EVEN ASKED FOR A KANGOROO NAMED ALFRED!!"

Dead silence...

Emmett then straightened his back as if in a meeting. "Alfred is so, (rolling his eyes like a girlygirl) unoriginal...big bro.

"...The world is so cruel" Jasper gasped back venomly tears and then fell into alices waiting arms.


	3. Emmett is a beautiful panther

Alice one day was watching tv randomly and found a show called... "Wipeout". What a silly name alice thought to herself. Tacky is more like it, but as she was about to turn the channel...

"EMMETT CULLEN HAS JOINED US TODAY ON...WIPEOUT!!" The "Show Hosts" then said. Alice had her suspicions that they were only here to take over Cuba.

"Holy Crap..." Alice was to amazed to move. "CARLISLE!!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Blast..." Carlisle then said as he came down the stairs. He had just been working on his attack of Cuba and then was interupted by Alice.

"Oh be quite father!!" Alice said in iritation.

"Father? Since when did you start calling me father?? Let alone considering me as one?" Carlisle was oh so confused and went back up to finish up his plan.

"Gosh... "Fathers" can be so out of it." Alice let out in a sigh. She then turned to the tv and saw Emmett jumping on a rope a falling into the water like a beautiful panther.

"CRAPOLA!!" Emmett shouted as he landed in the water. "Gosh, and to think I was going to make it.."

3 Hours later...

"Well John...the winner is...JACOB BLACK!!" The "show host" cried.

"WHAT!! ARE YOU FREACKING KIDDING ME!?" Emmett was furious.

Alice turned from the tv. And called up the stairs. "ROSALIE YOU HUSBAND IS SUCH A WIMP."


	4. The Club

One day this... "Werewolf" thing was sniffing around the Cullens house. The rumors are his name is "Jacob". But Jasper one day found out about this... "Werewolf". He decided that "It" was a disturbance to his emotional balance.

The... "Werewolf" was really just a poor cat in desguise trying to act tough for the club Emmett made. Only tough people could join Emmett said. This club had benifits also (for those of you that want to join the "super tough club"). These benifits were... Getting a .1 discount on insurance, getting a piggyback ride from Emmett on your birthday, last but yet least...Emmett sings to you every club meeting!

But lets get back to the story. As Jasper climbed up the tent that Esme had gotten Emmett for his birthday, or should I say.. Biteday. Jasper then lunged into the tent and splattered the cherryjuice...(CoughsBloodcoughs) on the portrait of Emmett dressed up as a king. Jasper then pulled out a camera and took a picture of the picture.

"Ironic isn't it?". Jasper then stated. "Now I am off to post his on the internet!". Jasper knew all along that the little kitty was working for his brother, and just to drink... "cherryjuice".

As Jasper posted the picture online he decided he should check his email. He tryed not to be lazy about it and check it every 400 hundred years to keep it cleaned out. He hadn't checked since 1950 but he was getting curious anyways.

He had 1 email. Jasper thought what a cruel world not to send him more emails, but he checked it anyways.

_Dear Mr. Sir_

_I am pleased to say that we have excepted you to the "club". Oh yes the club you have been waiting for your whole life! It has great benifits! You will them in the followin..._

_.1 discount on insurance, getting a piggyback ride from leo _(yes Emmett finally got his horse) _on your birthday, last but yet least...Dr.Suess sings to you every club meeting!_

_Please note that you must pay an entry fee of 500 dollars everyclub meeting. Club meetings will be on the days of monday,tuesday,wednsday,thursday,friday,saturday,sunday. _

_And if you miss one meeting you will be banished from the "club"._

_Sincerely,  
The "Club"_

"FINALLY!!" THEY HAVE REALIZED MY GENIUS!!" Jasper was very excited to have finally been excepted to... "The Club". He even had Esme fill out the parent and or gaurdian paper. When they went to Post Office he even wore a school uniform to show how important he was.

As Jasper waited for more news about the club...He waited...and waited...and waited...and then...DING DONG!!


	5. Club uniform

As Jasper opened the door, he saw a little pumpkin with a note attached to it. It read.

_Dear Fine Sir,_

_It is good knowing you have joined our club and we would like to officially welcome you! Please come to the tent right outside your house at 1800 hours this evening._

_Sincerely,  
"The Club"_

"Oh goody!! This is the moment I have been waiting for! I finally get to join the oh so awesome "Club" I have been dying to go to all of my bitten life."

As Jasper rambled on about the.. "Club" Emmett started to set up the tent with all of his torturous items. Back to Jasper...

"ALICE HONEY!! I MADE THE CLUB!!" Jasper jumped with joy.

"Oh goody Jazzy! I'm so proud of you for making the "Club"." Alice already knew about Emmett's evil plan and decided to stay out of this and help Carlisle take over Cuba. Somehow they had grudges against the Cullen's. (We thinks its because Emmett trash talked the president about cheese.) "On top of that honey, I made you a "special" scarf to go with your uniform!"

"Uniform?! We have to where frickin' uniforms?!" Jasper was hypervenilating at this moment.

"Oh yes did the "Club" not tell you this?" Alice was snickering on the inside, I mean how stupid can my husband get she thought.

"Frickin' double no!!" Jasper cried.

"Oh poor baby.." Alice was really trying to keep from laughing now!

Jasper began to sob "I know!! The world is so cruel!!"

Esme then walked in from "Club" shopping. "Jasper!! I got you the official uniform!! It came with fabric softner and everything!! I mean first the original unifrom was 50 cents and then with the fabric softner it was only 500 dollars more! Esme was so pleased with her great find.

"Mommy!! Your a life saver!!" Jasper then ran to Esme and hugged her.

Alice stood mortiefied at the mother son moment. She was to old for that kind of stuff, I mean..what kind 20 year olds hug people anymore?!

"Well!! I am off to see the club!!" Jasper shouted with joy.

When Jasper showed up at the tent...he banged on the door...and when Emmett opened the tent flap...


End file.
